July 24, 2019

What is Your Favorite Christian Expression?

forbidden apple

You know those tired old quotes, memes, slogans, or whatever else you want to call them that you have heard from fundamentalist Christians so many times over the course of your life that you'd be content to never hear them again? What is your favorite? And by "favorite," I mean the one that annoys you the most. The kind of thing I'm thinking of is the sort of statement that makes you and anyone else within earshot do a double-take because you can't believe that someone just said that (or that someone is still saying that).

There are so many good candidates that it is hard to pick just one. I'll tell you that the first thing that popped into my mind was the infamous, "Then why are there still monkeys?" I love this one, especially when delivered with an extremely smug attitude because their pastor has convinced them that this is the question to stump all atheists. Yep, they have just disproven "evilution." It really isn't any different from someone standing on a crowded street corner and shrieking, "I am scientifically illiterate!"

I sometimes fantasize about using it at work in one of those meetings where something I just said about an unrelated topic is being criticized or questioned. How great would it be to respond with, "Oh yeah? Then why are there still monkeys?" But I have to be honest and admit that this is not my all-time favorite.

If I had to pick just one, I'm going to have to go with the one I have probably heard the most and that still leads to the whiplash double-take where I involuntarily look back at the person who said it with utter amazement that anybody who managed to dress themselves and navigate out of their home could be so stupid.

It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!
I think I love it so much because it has never made any sense. There isn't any context where it would be a valid response to anything. It is like saying, "Not only am I a bigot but I am so stupid I don't even do bigotry well." Whoever came up with it should receive a medal.

It is true that I don't get to hear this one nearly as often as I used to. It seems like even most of the fundamentalist Christians would now feel stupid saying it. Back in the day, it would be shouted with pride. Never mind that it made no sense at all. It was almost trolling before we had a word for trolling. The last few times I've heard it, it hasn't been shouted with pride but more like a barely audible mutter. Once I even got to respond with, "Did you seriously just bring up Adam and Steve?" I then nearly fell over laughing. I think that's an appropriate reaction.

There are so many of these things out there and so many fundamentalist Christians delighting in them that I bet we can all identify a favorite. What's yours?