June 1, 2019

We Should Be Building Homes From Recycled Bibles

tornado damage

One of the many things I miss about living in more liberal (which still seems to mean environmentally conscious, among other things) regions of the country is curbside recycling. The local county department of sanitation has been suggesting that we might eventually see it here, but they have been saying that for at least 10 years. We had it even in the small town where I grew up back in the 1980s, so it puzzles me that they still don't have the will to implement it here.

Of course, one of the obstacles has been that the market for recycled products is not what it once was or what we once hoped it would be. When recycling programs were first rolled out, the expectation was that they would create a demand for recycled products which would help to support their cost. That hasn't happened. What I have heard locally is that the cost of recycling many items far exceeds the price of what recycled items can be used to produce.

As someone who lives in an area regularly afflicted by tornados, this got me thinking. Maybe we haven't been recycling the right things or using recycled materials in the right ways. I'd like to see the state of Mississippi create a program to recycle bibles. I believe there would be a high demand for such a program since we seem to have far more of them than we should. But instead of using recycled bibles to make paper or whatever else might be sensible, I recommend that our recycled bibles are turned into building materials. If we constructed all new homes in the area out of recycled bibles, these homes would be immune to any of the severe weather events regularly thrown at us by the god in which many Christians claim to believe.

You've heard all about how this particular book is "holy" or "sacred," and you've seen all the stories reported in the mainstream news media and echoed by Christians on the Internet about bibles "miraculously" surviving all sorts of disasters. We need to start incorporating recycled bibles into the construction of new homes. This would have to be far less expensive and more effective than scientifically sound approaches to storm-proofing. You know, because of Jesus.

The best part of my bible recycling plan is that storm-proof homes would only be one of many applications. Our law enforcement officers could wear bullet-proof vests made from recycled bibles because we all know they would then be protected from any harm. We could use recycled bibles as sound-deadening material in cars, assuring that cars so equipped would never be in accidents. Instead of buying that expensive and silly looking bicycle helmet for your child, a lightweight cap made from recycled bibles would provide far more protection against head injuries (and demonic influences). The applications are endless.

Of course, I am writing this primarily to entertain atheists. They are my primary audience, after all. But I am also writing it to offer Christians something to consider. None of this should sound far-fetched to those who really believe that their bibles are different from every other book out there. Implementing the sort of plan I am describing here would show us that you really do believe what you claim to believe.