April 22, 2011

Happy Zombie Jesus Weekend

Zombie Jesus

This spring has been busy, and I almost ran out of time to make last-minute preparations for the weekend. I don't know why I am so disorganized every year around this time when the stakes are so high. You'd think I would know better by now that it is important to prepare early and make sure I can hold out. But I think I'm all set this year though. I'm not confident I'm ready, but I'm as ready as I'll be.

I have a couple days worth of food and water ready for transport. I replaced some bulbs in the perimeter lighting, adjusted the motion sensors, and mapped an escape route this morning in case my defenses are overwhelmed. I've got the chainsaw gassed up, the axe sharpened, and the shotgun oiled and loaded with buckshot. I guess I'm finally ready for Zombie Jesus weekend.

I hope you made it through your neighbors' puzzling celebration of the brutal death of a fictional character they claim to love and revere because it "saved" them. I also hope you are prepared for what comes next. There's no reason atheists cannot have fun this weekend, so I hope you'll join me in celebrating the fact that you no longer believe any of this nonsense even if you aren't a fan of zombies.

Have a great Zombie Jesus weekend and make sure you survive the assault with your brains intact. Your neighbors may not be so lucky. In fact, I fear that many of them have already had their brains devoured. Just look at how they get dressed up and go waste their time in that large building with the cross on the roof every Sunday morning! Someone with their brains intact would know better.

For more of what this atheist has written about Zombie Jesus weekend (and Easter), check out the collection.