Atheists Should Welcome Jesusween Along With Halloween


I like Halloween too much to consider giving it up for JesusWeen, but I can think of one scenario where I'd probably be willing to do so. Suppose that evangelical Christians around the world came together and agreed that they would limit their evangelizing to one day a year: November 1 (i.e., World Evangelism Day). All evangelism would cease except for that one day. And all we would have to do is agree to replace Halloween with JesusWeen. Yes, I think I'd probably agree to that. As much as I'd miss Halloween, I think I could give it up to be free from hearing about Jesus 364 days a year.

Of course, nothing like this will ever happen. The idea of evangelical Christians coming together and agreeing on much of anything is absurd. Of all the things they might be able to agree on, restricting their evangelism to one day a year seems one of the least likely. And if there's one thing I've learned about evangelical Christians over the years, it is not to expect them to honor their agreements. Even if they did somehow agree to this deal, I wouldn't expect it to stick. They'd simply come up with creative ideas to inject Jesus in more conversations and deny they were doing so. So yeah, I think Halloween is pretty safe.

When I think of the many things evangelical Christians have tried that have failed miserably, it is hard to think of a better example than JesusWeen. Attacking one of the most popular holidays among both children and adults was bad enough, though hardly surprising for a group notorious for not wanting others to enjoy themselves. But then they got greedy. They just had to have Jesus inserted into the name of their holiday without bothering to run their idea past just one normal 12-year-old boy first. When JesusWeen brought mockery, they quickly tried to launch the whole "Fall-O-Ween Jesus" nonsense as if that was somehow what they meant all along, but it was far too late. The damage had been done, as they would forever be linked to Jesus' ween.

In the end, evangelical Christians have no choice but to let us have Halloween. They can join in the fun and celebrate it the way many others do, hide in terror and wait for it to pass (at least it doesn't last 2-3 months like their Christmyth holiday), or continue to preach against it. And despite what I said above, I guess this third option really isn't that bad. After all, there's nothing atheists can do to hasten the demise of Christianity better than many of the things fundamentalist Christians are already doing. The annual pearl-clutching around Halloween and the efforts to convince us that demons are real count among many examples of Christians making themselves unappealing and irrelevant.

Am I "Fall-O-Ween Jesus?" Hell no! What does that even mean? Even if I believed that the Jesus character was based on a real person who bore any resemblance to the one described in a certain book, that person has been dead for over 2,000 years. I couldn't have a "personal relationship" with a dead person I never met even if I wanted to. And while I would be able to access many social benefits by loudly proclaiming that I am a "Christ follower" even if that was not the case, I'd prefer to be able to live with myself instead of attempting to live a lie.

If some of the local Christians prefer to spend their Halloween dressing in white, distributing bibles to sure-to-be-disappointed children, and proselytizing, so be it. I won't let their JesusWeen ruin my Halloween, nor will I pass on the opportunity to hold their JesusWeen up to scrutiny. In fact, I hope more people learn about JesusWeen. It just might lead to more exChristians.