March 27, 2016

6 Ways Atheists Can Have Fun on Easter


As I am sure you have heard, some Christians do not think that we atheists should be permitted to celebrate any of the holidays they stole from pagans. Hmm...I wonder why nobody is screaming "cultural appropriation" over these stolen holidays? Anyway, Christmas is the holiday we hear the most about; however, since Easter is even more central to Christianity than Christmas, I suspect that there are some Christians out there who don't want you to have any fun on Easter either.

Screw them! Don't let anybody tell you that you cannot have fun on Easter just because you are an atheist. It isn't my favorite holiday either, but I recognize that there are plenty of ways for atheists to enjoy Easter if they wish to do so.

Here are five suggestions for how you can enjoy Easter as an atheist:
  1. Read at least one of the wildly inconsistent biblical accounts of the alleged resurrection of Jesus as if it is the first time you are hearing the story, and encourage a Christian to do the same. If the Christian is game, suggest he or she try the Easter challenge.
  2. Celebrate Zombie Jesus Day by sharing your favorite Zombie Jesus images on social media to remind everyone to have fun and protect their brains. And remember, beliefs can be mocked without mocking the people who hold them.
  3. Rather than dwelling on what it is that the Christians in your neighborhood are really celebrating this weekend (i.e., human sacrifice), focus on how happy the egg and bunny imagery makes their children. It has nothing to do with Jesus, and...who can argue with an excuse to eat chocolate?
  4. If you have to attend church (and some of you unfortunately will), pretend that you are an anthropologist investigating a strange tribe of people who believe some truly absurd things (or at least try to look as though they do in order to fit in). Take a look around and marvel at the hypocrisy which likely surrounds you.
  5. If you are a metal fan, today is a perfect day to listen to some loud and obnoxious metal. When the Christian members of your family complain, indigently point out that today is Easter and you are listening to Lamb of God. That should end their complaining.
  6. Enjoy Lucifer's testicles. You might even eat one. You aren't all vegans, are you?
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