December 22, 2012

I Have Problems and Might Not Be Reincarnated as a Tree

reincarnated treeI could tell this email was going to be a good one because the subject field asked, "Do you have problems?" Yes. Yes, I do. Thank you for asking. I have many problems, and while I do not want to bore you with them, I would feel remiss in failing to explain that I'm struggling with the worst cold I've had in some time. As I write this, my feverish mind is trying to cope with entirely too much cough syrup. I'm not entirely sure whether I am awake or still having those bizarre dreams that kept me up half the night. I think I must be dreaming, as I'm not sure how else I could feel too hot and too cold at the same time.

But enough about me and my problems. We should take a look at this email, unedited and presented in its entirety for your enjoyment:
So how does it feel trying to destroy something that give millions of people hope and purpose? You want to start a revolution? You fight Christian extremism? First of all Atheists can be even more extreme beliefs by making benign, irrational statements, as of which all of you do. Why do all of your quotes have the most obnoxious comments? Can you keep to yourself, there's a reason you have under three percent of the worlds population believing in your idiotic so called belief. You are coming across as ignorant, and shallow minded when you say other beliefs are "irrational." I hope you know that you will not reincarnate as a tree or some other stupid thing. For the record, atheist have the reputation among the general population, not as intelluctuals, but as a group full of holier than thou douche bags. Good luck with you meaningless life (according to you). Please get back at me and tell me how you feel, so you know I attend a top academic program in the country, and my classmates and I sit around typing this email. Maybe you should really just give up on your irrational, non-sense, joke of a belief.
I think I will get back to my meaningless life now, or at least go back to bed. I will rest easier in the knowledge that students attending "a top academic program in the country" will be our future leaders. Perhaps I'll revisit this message when I'm feeling even mildly coherent.

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