I suspect most of you have heard by now that the rapture (i.e., that glorious day where all the fundamentalist Christians are magically transported to heaven) is happening on May 21st. I'm ready, but I worry that many Christians might not be. Fortunately, I think I can help.
Remember that part of the Christian bible about it being more difficult for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle? If you want to be raptured away, you are going to need to give away all your money and possessions before May 21st. And that does not leave you much time. The good news is that I'm willing to take everything you own off your hands.
Not crazy about that idea? I can't say I blame you. How about instead donating everything you own to the truly needy. Sure, some of them will be raptured away with you, but just think how needly those who are left behind will be! Can you imagine how many magic Jesus points giving all your wealth to them will earn you?
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