I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I have a crush on a woman I work with, and although I know full well that nothing is ever going to materialize, I feel powerless to turn off the feelings. She has no idea how I feel, and this is how it needs to stay. I know that getting involved with someone at work would be a disaster on multiple levels. I also know that she's in a long-term relationship and seems perfectly content to remain there. I even know that while we seem compatible in many areas, there are at least as many where we'd really clash. And yet, the fantasy that something could happen someday is so much better than the reality.

I suppose you could say that situations like this let me empathize with religious believers at least a little bit. They have crafted what they consider to be a perfect god, and while what is left of the rational part of their minds may experience doubt at times, who wouldn't want such a god? Forget about all the reasons it cannot be true. Isn't it more exciting to ponder the possibility that it might be?

Sometimes I wonder if the feelings of excitement the religious believer reports while considering their god are any different than those I experience when fantasizing about what might (but won't) be in my situation? Do they not sometimes worry about losing themselves in the face of their passion just as I sometimes have to exert self-control not to do or say something I'd instantly regret?

I have encountered many religious people who respond to my objections with some variation of, "I don't care whether it is true or not; it makes me feel better to believe it." Fair enough. If they wouldn't have to take the next step of meddling in everyone else's lives, maybe we could all just allow each other our fantasies.

Maybe the difference is that I recognize my fantasy as such. That doesn't mean I enjoy doing so. I don't. I want to believe that she'll eventually come to her senses, toss her partner aside, and that we'd live happily ever after. Daydreaming about this feels so much better than facing the reality that it will never happen, but I realize that the fantasy is not real. I can't live my life as if it were true, and I see that to do so would be delusion.

Subscribe to Atheist Revolution

Tags: religion, fantasy