You just returned from church and are spending a quiet Sunday afternoon with your family before you return to church that evening (it is revival, after all). Your doorbell rings, and you open the door to reveal a well-dressed young man who says, "Good afternoon! I was hoping that I could take a few minutes of your time to tell you about the church of Satan." In stunned silence, you realize your mouth is hanging open and your 6 year-old daughter is now standing beside you at the door. He continues, "You see, we believe that Christianity is a perversion of basic human truths and..." You manage to shut the door.

If you are a "bible-believing Christian," I am guessing that you would be upset if this scenario actually happened on your front porch. Please try to understand that I feel every bit as upset when this happens on my porch but the intruder is an evangelical Christian. And I'm fairly confident that I'm not alone in feeling this way. Here are some specific thoughts that often flash through my head when I am interrupted by an evangelical Christian peddling mind rot at my door:

• "What makes you think you have the right to disturb me with this nonsense?"
• "How dare you invade my privacy with this crap!"
• "How would you like it if I came to your home and tried to sell you on my beliefs?"
• "Does this sort of idiocy actually work on anybody?"
  

Dear Christian, if you wouldn't want to endure the Satanist on your doorstep, why must you put me through your nonsense? Are you really so blind that you cannot see that you are every bit as welcome on my porch as the Satanist is on yours?

If you are an atheist and want to end proselytizing at your door, I've learned something that may help. I put up a "no soliciting" sign in my front yard. Although it has helped considerably with other door-to-door annoyances, it did absolutely nothing to reduce the door-to-door proselytizing. However, putting one of these anti-proselytizing symbols in the window next to my front door has helped tremendously. I still get the litter all over my porch, but no more interruptions. I ordered mine here, and I must say it has been well worthwhile.

Tags: proselytizing, religion, Christianity, evangelical, Christian, soliciting